On The Phone

I have recently been experiencing a very peculiar phenomenon.

We all know that some people (most people?) behave very differently depending on whether they are on a one-on-one basis or part of a larger crowd. Of course, this is usually a very childish trait, and most intelligent, balanced adults at least try to be consistent in that regard. (I know, this whole paragraph does not make any sense. Forgive me.)

Well, I think I have just discovered a new kind of behavior. And it's big. Have you ever met someone who would be absolutely adorable whenever you spend some time with them, but who could become an absolute bitch/prick on the phone?

I'm not kidding. God knows I'm not kidding. I've been dating a girl, and it's been amazing. Really. She's fresh, she's pretty, she's smart, she's witty. Every minute spent with her is an endless source of happiness. Having met her through mutual friends, I actually never had to call her on the phone until last week. At this point, I guess I have to clarify a little bit: I hate cell phones so much, I don't even have one anymore. So I don't like to use the phone, be it my home phone or some friend's cell phone.

I called her last week to arrange a meeting. A meeting with my best friend and her best friend. I guess everybody knows about the specific stage of a relationship when each party's best friend comes into play. It's the stage where you try to assess whether your worlds are compatible. If they are, you can peacefully move on to the next step. But if they're not, it's the George Costanza situation. You have to make sure your relationship never collides with your normal life. That can be very, very perilous.

But this is not the point here. Here is the point: she was an absolute bitch on the phone! Not even the same voice! I mean, of course it was the same voice. That was her talking. But you know, it was like the evil her talking, saying stuff like "I don't know if we're gonna be able to make it tonight," or like "OK I don't know. Let me call you back." I totally agree in advance: you could also say those things in a very gentle way. Believe me, she wasn't being gentle.

I really thought I had done something wrong. Guys do the wrong thing all the time, and they don't realize they even did something. Especially me. So we met. And then my lovely date was here again. Just as pleasant as before. We had a great time. And yes, the best friends like each other. I could even feel some attraction between them, but my best friend isn't single anymore.

So I forgot about the phone episode... Until last night. I had to call to set up a new meeting, this time with more best friends on each side. I have to tell you, I was being very, very cautious and careful, and slow with this one, because she seemed like a very nice person, and also because it's the best way to handle a JAP, and it would make my mom sooooo happy. Anyways. On the phone again last night, the angry bitch from hell was back!

I couldn't handle it this time. I had to ask. So I asked. My question (something like, "Why are you being such a bitch on the phone," but maybe it wasn't that straightforward, but the substance was the same) was met with very little empathy. She didn't scream, but by now I know, she's not a screamer. She hung up.

I haven't called back... yet. Should I? And, more importantly, why does she have to be a bitch on the phone?

Need Intel.

I know it's been a long time -- I mean, three weeks in blogger years is probably close to a couple of centuries in the real world. In any event, I am back with a hot (albeit not very original) dilemma.

So here's what's going on. Imagine you'd been living a different, separate life for, say, the past three years. Now, imagine that, after three years, you kinda came back to your former life for a little while. In that former life you had many friends, whom you still like a lot, and you also had a girlfriend, whom you still like a lot too, even though you wouldn't call it love. So she became a friend.

Imagine, further, that the girlfriend were now dating one of those friends you like a lot -- or, more specifically, a friend of one of those. Someone you had always known because he was always around, even though you were never best friends at all. This is not the core of the problem, though: there was a breakup, and it wasn't contentious, and she did not start dating him right after the breakup.

As a matter of fact, imagine you even happened to think those two make a very nice couple. If you had to be pretentious, you'd say he's the second best thing that could have happened to her. But if you had to be honest, you'd admit they're just a great couple.

(Let's clarify, here: imagine those two had been dating for almost two years, and you knew all about it, so it didn't come as a surprise when you stepped back into your former life.)

Where's the trouble, you ask? I'll tell you where's the trouble. Imagine that although you were totally OK with the idea and all, she gave every sign that she isn't. Imagine she was extremely flirtatious with you, even more than she had ever been when you were dating. Imagine she even did it when her boyfriend was around. Imagine the guy now hated you because he thought you were the one trying to steal his girl. Furthermore, imagine you were convinced, for many reasons, that she still loves you.

I like to think of myself as a very scrupulous and ethical person. Really. So at the end of the day, the whole thing just makes me sick. I very sincerely resent her for doing this to me, to her boyfriend and, ultimately, to herself. But let's face it: I won't be able to resist the temptation much longer.

There are three alternatives, as far as I can see:

1. Write her off, very slowly so she can't fight it, and just forget about the whole situation and go on with my great, exciting life;
2. Stop resisting, and just do whatever the hell I'm supposed to do here, and then just deal with it to the best of my hypocritical ability;
3. Apply one of my favorite recipes: "There is no problem so complex that it cannot be solved through inaction."

Being scrupulous and ethical, I am not usually a very courageous person, so I don't think I'll go with option number one. As a result, the issue is: which is the easier, number two or number three?